


Dark Caress of Someone Else

by waywardjoy (CNK80Q3demoneyes)



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Angst, F/M, Nightmares, Sexual Assault, Violence, non-con
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-14
Updated: 2019-08-14
Packaged: 2020-08-23 16:41:51
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,768
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20246008
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CNK80Q3demoneyes/pseuds/waywardjoy
Summary: Dean’s non-hunter girlfriend is not coping well after being attacked.





	Dark Caress of Someone Else

Opening the door I was pleasantly surprised with my visitor. It was his usual MO to disappear for long bouts of time with no word. It had been several days since he called to say they had a big hunt up in Oregon. I hadn’t expected him home so soon. 

“Hi Dean! You didn’t tell me you were coming.” Throwing my arms around his neck, I noticed an ugly brown lump of a vehicle parked in my driveway. “Where’s your baby?”

“My who?”

“Your car, silly.”

“Oh right. In the shop.” He moved in quickly for a demanding kiss. “Come on, I have something I want you to see.” He gripped my hand and pulled me out the door before I could process what was happening. “Get in. We’re going for a little drive,” opening the passenger door for me.

“But Dean, I’ve got-”

“It’ll be worth it. I promise.”

He wasn’t lying. It wasn’t a long drive before we were pulling up to a very secluded cabin. 

“What’s so important that you had to drag me here?” He hadn’t been willing to talk while he drove. Just smiled an almost shark like expression and cranked up the music.

“Come on. I’ll show you inside.” He hopped up the stairs like an eager puppy. I couldn’t resist following. 

Barely a foot in the door and he was on me. “Dean! Wait. What-” I tried to shove him back. To catch my breath. To find my bearings. To catch up.

“Shut up.” The venom in his voice made me freeze.

“Ha-have you been drinking?” The hands squeezing my hips slid up. Gripping. Bruising. Shoving me hard against the wall. 

His cold, lust filled eyes were terrifying.

His hand tearing at a clump of hair. Ripping and pulling. Forcing my head in place. “I said shut up.” Hot breath fanning my throat as teeth scrape harshly across delicate skin. 

I didn’t expect to see him. I should have known something was wrong. I wish I’d never answered the door. 

I ache to block it out of my mind forever, but with the perversity of memory, I remember all of it, every second, rendered in details and colors almost too vivid to be real.

_I remember the weight of Dean on my legs and the bite of his elbows on my collarbone, the cuff of his fingers around my wrists. I remembered how much his breath stank, sour with old beer and Jim Beam and cheap, stale pretzels consumed by the handful. _

__

__

_“You knew it right from the start, didn’t you?” Dean forces me down harder, pushes my face against the hardwood floor until splinters catch on my skin and dig in. “You knew I wasn’t him, but you still welcomed me back, touched me, wanted me.”_

__

__

_I had hoped. My Dean would never hurt me. Hurt anyone this way. This- this thing is a mere parody of the original. “You’re a disgusting monster!”_

__

__

_I don’t regret my words. Even after spitting blood. The hand that hit me, squeezing the breath from me. My vision blurs. _

__

__

_“You haven’t seen a monster yet!”_

__

__

_I can hear him – it – smirking as I try to struggle. But I can’t. Can’t even fucking move under the weight of that giant hand on my neck. Can’t wriggle out from between those vice-like thighs around my hips, have no leverage with my hands pinned. It thrusts forward, cock hard against my hip through our jeans and the splinters in my back dig in deeper, find bone._

__

__

_“Fuck you.” I manage despite the crushing grip on my neck. The monster just chuckles and bends down, licks my ear. I shudder but still feel a spike of arousal at his touch and hate myself; this isn’t Dean. _

__

__

_“Oh no, fuck you.” Its voice, whispered into my ear, sends shivers down my spine and I start to struggle in earnest as that hand leaves my neck and slides down to open my jeans, pulling them roughly down my thighs. My hands throb painfully as the beast with Dean’s face clenches his fingers tighter around my wrists, holding them above my head as it exposes me. _

_ __ _

_ __ _

Sudden pounding jerks me back. The once scalding water is now nearing frigid. 

“Hey, YN! You okay in there? You’ve been in there for -”

“I’m fine.” I hit the water off with too much force. “I’ll be out soon. Just give me a few more minutes.” My hands shake as I reach for my towel. I can still feel his fingers on my skin. The urge to turn the water back on and scrub myself raw is near impossible to resist. 

I do scrub too roughly the wetness from my skin with a too soft towel. I prolong leaving the sanctuary of my bathroom. Donning oversized sweats and a hoodie as slow as possible. I fear too much time passing will lead to him barging in. 

I find him sitting at the foot of my bed. He’s obviously concerned, but the smile on his face is a nice distraction. 

“I missed you.” His hands slide into my wet hair. This kiss is full of longing. It’s been several days since he was last here. I try to settle into it. He steps in closer. Our bodies molding into one another. A hand finds my ass and pulls me impossibly closer. I pull away from the kiss. Gasping. His mouth finds my throat. _Teeth scrape along my jugular taking skin with them. Nails bite into the soft flesh of my navel. Half moon divots of blood pool to the surface._ I can’t do this.__

_ __ _

_ __ _

My hands find his chest. Tapping. Patting. Pushing. “Can we just go to sleep? I’m exhausted.”

He gets the hint and steps back. Looking a mix of aroused and ashamed. “Anything you need.” I refuse to tell him where my head’s at, but I’m sure he suspects. 

I climb into bed, resolutely ignoring him undress. Dean spoons up behind me. Pulling in close. I shiver as he kisses my neck and holds me tight. His strong arms keeping me where I am terrified to be. Staring sightless at the wall, tears stream silently down my face. I listen to his breathing slow as he drops off to sleep. I try to escape the cage of his arms but he only pulls me closer. I fight off the panic and manage to succumb to a fitful yet dreamless sleep. 

I wake alone. And am glad for it. I’m not sure how to face him. I don’t know how to handle this. Every time he touches me-

It’s been weeks. At first he wouldn’t leave my side. Scared I would fall to pieces. Now, he leaves but only for short periods of time. Still, he’s always watching. Waiting. Trying to move forward feels impossible. 

I hear him from the hall. He’s on the phone. “Sounds like a simple vamp nest. You can handle that on your own. Sam, seriously, that’s all the way in Maine. I don’t think I should leave her alone. She’s not okay. Yeah, I know. Thanks man. Be safe.”

The conversation draws me into the room. Dean quickly pockets his phone when he sees me. “Hey, how are you doing?” His warm hands rub along my arms.

“I’m fine. Was that Sam?”

“Oh, yeah. Found a hunt. But don’t worry I told him to go without me. “

“What? No. You should go. Sam needs you.”

“You need me more.”

“I said I’m fine.” I step back out of his embrace. “You should go. Help Sam.” I feel my chin tremble, giving me away. “Really. Go help your brother.”

His eyes full of worry and compassion make me turn away. 

“Hey. What’s wrong? Come on, talk to me.”

“I think I need some time. Alone. I just-“ the tremble in my voice is hard to hide. “I’m sorry, Dean, but I think we should take a break.” I turn back to face him. Squaring my shoulders, chin high. “I can’t be with you.”

He doesn’t look as surprised as I expected. “I know you're scared. But the shifter is dead. You saw me kill it. You’re safe now.” He touches my arms. My shoulders. My neck. 

My eyes slam shut. I feel like I may shake apart completely. “Please stop.” My voice a mere whisper. “Please.”

He jerks away as if burned. He’s across the room in a blink. It’s his turn to look terrified. 

My eyes find the floor. I can’t look at him. Ashamed. “E-every-every time you t-touch me.” A sob rips through me. “I am grateful that y-you saved m-me. But h-his face. Your f-face. I-I can’t.” I hunch in on myself, arms wrapped around my center trying not to shatter to pieces. 

“I am so so sorry.” He sounds wrecked. Defeated. “I should have realized-“

“Help Sam. Please. J-just go. G-Give me some time.”

“Okay. But promise you’ll call if you need anything.”

Nodding is all I can muster. I can’t watch as I hear boots on the linoleum. The soft click of the front door has me on my knees. A wail tears from my lungs as I hear the impala thunder away. 

It’ll get better now. It has to. 

Except that it doesn’t. 

It’s been months now and I can’t turn the light off. Every sound. Every thought. I just keep reliving him. Sleep is but a dream. Nightmares follow my every moment. I’m terrified to close my eyes. My steady diet of coffee, Red Bull, and No Doze is bound to kill me. But I can’t care. I just want to stop feeling him touch me. 

I give in on day 8 of zero sleep. I still can’t handle the idea of what Dean’s touch does to me. But I am scared that if I don’t sleep soon I will succumb to much worse. 

I call Sam instead. He’s been through something similar. He’ll know what to do. I can’t stop the words flooding from my mouth as soon as he answers. I tell him everything. My fears. My nightmares. What Dean’s presence does to me. It’s when I tell him that it’s been over a week since I let myself sleep that he cuts me off.

“You have to stop. You’ll die if you don’t sleep soon. Have you started hallucinating?”

“I am almost certain I saw Dean shoot himself in my living room this morning. So yeah, I suppose I am.”

“I’m coming to get you. You’re going to come stay with us.”

“Sam, no. I don’t think that’s a good idea. I don’t think I can be around Dean.” My breathing is coming faster at the thought of being in the same room as him.

“Hey, calm down. Take a deep breath. Good. Another. It’s going to be fine. You can have your own room. He’ll keep his distance. But you shouldn’t be alone right now. Let me help you. You need sleep. And I think getting you out of that house might help.” Sam’s gentle way has me agreeing quickly after that. 

They show up impossibly quick. Dean refuses to so much as look at me. He’s all business as he stomps to my bedroom to grab my bags. Heads to the impala without a word and waits behind the wheel. 

Sam sighs and apologizes. “He wouldn’t let me come alone. He’s promised to leave you alone. He’s just worried about you.”

“And probably hurt that I came to you.”

Sam shrugs. “Yeah, but he’ll get over that.”

A pillow and blanket are waiting for me in the backseat when I climb in. “Just in case the drive lulls you to sleep.” Dean explains, making eye contact through the rear view mirror, before firing up the engine. My heart splinters.

I jerk myself awake at least twenty times in the few hours we’re on the road. Dean was right, the ride is making it hard to stay awake. I’m terrified that if I do relax, I will kill us all by screaming. It’s best to wait until we aren’t mobile. At least, that’s what I keep telling myself.

My eyes slam open when a huge hand touches my shoulder. The accompanying scream dies as I make eye contact with Sam. “We’re here.” His eyes full of apology.

Dean is nowhere to be seen when I follow Sam into their bunker home. Sam quickly points out the essentials. Kitchen. Shower room. Toilets. His room. Dean’s. Next to mine, of course.

My bags are waiting on my bed. Dean was here. Pretty sure he insisted on this particular room. I’m not sure how I feel about that yet. About any of this actually.

Sam steps up beside me as I stare unseeing at my new bed. “It’ll get better. I promise. I will be here to help you through this. Dean too, when you’re ready. You just have to let yourself sleep first.”

I nod, unable to speak past the lump in my throat. “I’ll let you get settled in. Make yourself at home.” He’s gone before I can thank him.

Ignoring the daunting task of unpacking, I sit on the bed and bury my face in my hands. And let the tears fall.

I don’t look up when I feel the mattress dip beside me. I smell his aftershave and it makes me shudder. I’m eternally grateful that he refrains from commenting on my current emotional state.

“I made you some tea. It’s some herbal crap, Sam insists on buying. But it should help you sleep.” His quiet chuckle makes me look up. His eyes are full of concern and care. Crinkles just visible at the corners. A minute smile on his lips. My Dean. My heart leaps.

“I’m sorry I didn’t call you. I just didn’t know if I could. But I know I need help. I’m so scared. I don’t want to die.”

Setting the cup on the side table, “may I?” He holds his arms out to me. So inviting. I eagerly tuck myself into them. “Shhh.” He whispers into my hair. “You’re going to be alright. I promise. We will get you through this.” 

I sip Sam’s cold tea alone after crying myself out. I repeat Dean’s words. Hoping against hope that they can save me. 

_I can feel the weight of him. Crushing me. Holding me down. I can’t breathe. Fingers wrap around my throat. The hand tightens. I try to scream but no sound comes. No air. I’m going to die on this dirty floor. ___

_ __ _

_ __ _

“Open your eyes! Come on open them!” A strong hand moves to my shoulder shaking me. “It’s not real.”

My screams cut out as the words sink in. I slam myself upright. Gasping. Just another nightmare. I see Dean step back from the bed, palms out. His presence startles me. 

“I’m sorry. I’ll go. I couldn’t let you keep screaming like that.” He looks so broken as he heads out the door. 

“Wait! Please. Can you maybe stay? Just for a little while. I don’t think I want to go back to sleep just yet.”

“I don’t think that’s such a good idea. I don’t want to cause you more distress.”

“Please? I- I don’t know what to do. I want you- need you so much. Dean, I love you, but I can’t get him out of my head.” I am so tired of crying. I need it all to stop. 

He takes a tentative step towards the bed. “I love you too, but I’m not sure this is a good idea.”

I nod. I agree. But I have to try. “Can you just sit with me? Maybe on the bed?”

His expression is pained. The internal struggle pinching his brow. I scoot to give him space. Sitting gingerly beside me, he rests his back against the headboard. 

He’s the first to break the silence after we’ve both become lost in thought. “Come here. Let’s try something.”

His arms are open to me again. Just like earlier. He looks so determined. I can’t help grin and scooch into the warm embrace I’ve both feared and craved in equal measure. 

I don’t flinch or startle. I don’t so much as shudder as his arms tighten ever so slightly. His scent and warmth envelope me. It feels so good to be home again. 

“Can you be patient with me?” I whisper, feeling myself drift. 

I feel his lips on my hair as I finally let myself go. His words might be a dream. “You can’t rush something you want to last forever.”

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading y’all!


End file.
